Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Posted by john 11:30 AM

Something sinister is afoot. 10 months after the defeat of Freeza, a dark force has come to Earth. Lurking in the shadows for months, this is a power with which the Dragon Ball gang has not dealt with for a long time. It is without remorse. Men, women, and children, it cares not who you are, or what you are -- only that it will consume you.

A filler arc is upon us, and it is taking no prisoners.



Gohan and Daisuke Gori Sabertooth Tiger are playing in the wilderness one fine morning. All is going well, as it is Gohans brief reprieve from studying for the day; Of course, his mother makes him use his free time to catch them fish for dinner. Because, yknow, a 6 year old is definitely okay to be man of the house. (He is a 6-year-old who shoots lasers from his fingers.) While fishing (with his fists), Gohan runs into a familiar, friendly face.

Kuririn
(Lookin sharp, lookin for love.)
And he arrives with a hot ride, and a hot babe. 
("Turns out that bitches love me."

Kuririn and his new girlfriend, Maron, invite Gohan to join them at Kame House. (Everyone is gathering in honor of how pimp Kuririn is.) Gohan is deeply surprised that Kuririn has a girlfriend (because hes a 6-year-old fuckin asshole). But then Maron gives Kuririn a handjob in his sweet muscle car, so its all good.

("Eheheh... Im a cloud.")


Elsewhere, Kami-sama comes to Piccolo with an offer; Take over as God of Earth. (Wait, what? Isnt he the result of you not being pure enough to become God of Earth?) Piccolo says no. (Wait, what? Werent you born so you could become King of the world and rule it with an iron, Demon Clansman fist?) Piccolo then goes onto warn Kami that the Demon Clan is up to no good, and he should be worried about that.

Kamis like, pffffffft, shyyyyyyeeeeet son, Demon Clan? Whats the worst that could happen?

Garlic Jr. motherfucker.

Mr. Popo, who had been innocently tending to the Heavenly Temple, is suddenly attacked by Garlic Jr. and his Demon Clansmen minions. Mr. Popo is very surprised indeed.

Popo recalls how Garlic tried to take over as Kami before. 
And how Son Gohan made him his bitch. 

Now I know what youre thinking; "Biba, wasnt that movie non-canon? It completely contradicts the beginning of Dragon Ball Z, and thus everything that has happened after it!" Well, youll be surprised to hear, our friends at Dao of Dragon Ball and Kanzenshuu arent the only Dragon Ball fansites with exclusive scoops on how Dragon Ball Z was created! After months of painstakingly making calls, calling in favors, making favors, and favoring calls, I have for you, my dear reader, Toei Animations official word on Garlic Jr. Sagas continuity.



And so, Popo is kidnapped by Garlics new set of generic minions.
(Now with 200% more generic!
(And one of them is still played by Daisuke Gori.)


Meanwhile, at Kame House, Bulma, Yamcha, Muten Roshi, Puar, and Oolong have all gathered with Kuririn and Maron. Kuririn, being a pimp that he is, and feeling generous, offers his good buddy Yamcha some strange in exchange for his sacrifice against the Saibaimen.

(Kuririn: "I know Bulmas pussy is blown out, so have at it, buddy.")
(He knows because he cracked it open 30 times on the way to Namek.)

Muten Roshi decides he wants in on the action. 
As Kuririns master, he says he can only have a girlfriend, if;
He gets to pafu pafu dem tittayz. 
(Bulma is just jelly because her pussy is blown out by Kuri-cock.

Back at Mt. Paozu, Gohan is trying to talk Chichi into letting him visit Kame House.

"No way. The longer youre hangin around Goku-sas friends, the faster you get stupid." 
(I know I sometimes make up dialogue, but this shit is 100% genuine.)
Gohan listens really well.

 Back atop the Heavenly Realm, Kami returns to find Garlic Jr. is the Demon Clansman Piccolo warned him about.
And hes already captured Mr. Popo. 

The two gunslingers duke it out; But unlike their last fight, Kami appears to have the advantage.

Until Garlics generic minions intervene. 

With both Kami and Mr. Popo captured, Garlic Jr. and his Demon Clan are free to unleash a poison onto the entire Earth. The Aquamist, which when inhaled, will reawaken a person as a member of the Demon Clan!

What a dastardly way to make Yamcha irrelevant.

Search