Saturday, May 18, 2013

Posted by john 9:30 PM

or the American dub title, "Smells Like Trouble" (genius).

The Tenka-ichi Budokai is about to get underway, with the preliminaries over, and the eight finalists picking from a lottery to decide who will fight who. Also, Muten Roshi buys some Budokai souvenirs for Bulma.

 "In return, lets say... you know... 
 "you allow this old man, with very little time ahead of him, to have his desires? Just once...
"Lets play pafu pafu... okay? Pafu, pafu?"
"You should have gone to the preliminaries too..." -Oolong

Now then, as for the Budokai matches...

 Match 1: Bacterian Vs. Kuririn
 Match 2: Jackie Chun Vs. Yamcha
 Match 3: Namu Vs. Lanfang
Match 4: Son Goku Vs. Giran

Kuririn nervously awaits the first match - his match. His opponent is the fearsome Bacterian, a man with a stench so foul, hes said to have never taken a bath since he was born. None of the contestants (or anyone else) can stand to be around him, and they all show deepest sympathies for Kuririn when his lottery is drawn to go against him. But Goku assures Kuririn that he can do it, and Kuririn doesnt feel like arguing.

Mr. Announcerman (as well call him) explains the rules of the tournament to the contestants and crowd: If you fall out of the ring, get knocked out for 10 seconds, or say "uncle", you lose. Eye-poking or attacks to the vital areas are against the rules. "Whats a vital area?" Goku inquirers.  "To use an unrefined turn of phrase, it means your balls." Mr. A explains. "Um, I dont have those." says Lanfang.

And now, a word from the chief priest of the Budo Temple, before the first match.

"Woof."

The match begins with Kuririn immediately on the defensive as hes overwhelmed by Bacterians incredible stink. He manages to dodge Bacterians first punch, but the lumbering mass of body odor returns with a volley of stench-related attacks; First breathing a foul gust of breath to cloud Kuririns mind, and then rubbing his fingers inside of his britches to produce a smell only years of unwashed duck butter can create.


It seems almost certain defeat for Kuririn - but the crowd is on his side and he manages to pull himself off the ground. But Bacterian has more than stink attacks. Grasping Kuririn by the throat, he attempts to choke him out. Goku shouts from outside the ring for his friend to knock Bacterians arms away, and spurred on by support, Kuririn manages to break free and kick the smelly giant onto the ring floor.


But the momentary reprieve isnt enough to take Bacterian out... He gets up again, laughing, and slowly lumbers forward... pushing Kuririn against the edge of the ring. Not seeing any other way out, Kuririn attempts to slide under Bacterian to regain his footing, and the advantage. But it fails miserably when the overweight odor-lord sits on Kuririn. And then he uses his finishing move...!!!


Kuririn is all but defeated... until Goku realizes something important!! "The stench is all in your mind! Theres no way you could smell it, right? You aint got a nose, do you?!" "Thats right...!!"

 "Thank you, Goku."
 But Bacterian has one more finishing move...! His phlegm!
 Kuririn makes a miraculous dodge, and knocks the great smelly brute over!
 And in a twist of irony, uses Bacterians own final attack against him!!
"Uncle!"
Kuririn wins!!!

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