Were here at last, gents and gentettes. The beginning of the end. It has been a fun ride, but all things must come to an end. Unless youre Dragon Ball, in which case youll keep going well past the point where you should have stopped. But hey, I made you, the reader, a promise that Id watch every single episode/movie/special/whatever ... and damn it, Im too stupid to break my promise now. So without further ado, the Artificial Humans Saga...
This episode makes Gyumao laugh so as to stop from crying.
A vague amount of time has passed since Freeza was defeated (somewhere between a year or two). We begin the episode with Chichi still keen on Gohans studies, so she hires him a private tutor. A private tutor who beats him with a whip and taunts him about his absent father. Inexplicably during one of his tutors lashings, Gohan drifts off into dreamland and imagines Goku has returned home from space. (Which is where all mothers tell their children their absent fathers have gone; but really, theyve just moved in with that skank Debra.)
But Goku is actually...
... Freeza!!
(Yup, big whoop, dream sequence, we get it.)
The private tutor wakes up Gohan, taunts him more about Goku, and informs Chichi that it would be easier to teach a monkey. So Chichi tosses him out a window.
When later told the story, Gyumao finds it hilarious.
Back at Capsule House, Yamcha, Oolong, Puar, and Bulma are hanging out, wondering when Goku will get back. Well, except Bulma, who is wondering when Vegeta will return, because his spaceship is almost out of fuel. She goes onto say how hes a total babe and a really nice guy, and how much shed like to hop on his monkey penis.
"Im right here."
"Whatever, queer."
Just then, Vegeta lands.
And Bulma immediately begins flirt with him. In front of Yamcha.
"Ive murdered whole civilizations, and even I think thats fucked up."
Because Vegeta is so smelly from his year or so in space, Bulma takes him to get a bath and offers him a place to stay. (And later, she offers to remove all the sperm from his testicles with her cervix.)
(Clearly, its Chichi who is the awful bitch of DBZ.)
In the shower, however, Vegeta only has a mind for one person;
Kakarotto.
And then this happens.
LOOK AT THAT! A MAN IN A PINK SHIRT AND YELLOW PANTS! AHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!! OH GOD MY FUCKING SPINE IS BREAKING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF MY FRIVOLITY.
But the comedy is at an end.
Because everything you know and love about Dragon Ball...
... is about to be ...
... retconned.
HEY KIDS! Biba here!
Every wanted to know just how bad the Artificial Humans and Cell Sagas REALLY ARE??? Well, youre in luck, as we here at DBlog (that is to say, me) are proud to present DRAGONBLOGS OFFICIAL CHARACTER DERAILMENT GUIDE. How does it work? Simple! Ill post the graphic above with a mark denoting that a beloved Dragon Ball character has been derailed! Either made irrelevant, or character growth stunted beyond all possible reasoning, or huge leaps in personality overlooked for the sake of beating this dead horse for one more go -- theyll all be counted here! SO STAY TUNED!
BONUS - Make your own Advice Bulma, and again, Ill post em.
